I’ve been in Sparkling Isolation for over a month now. The days pass slowly, but looking back on the past five weeks, I can’t believe it’s already mid April and that I’ve spent this whole time indoors. I’ve gotten asked a few times “So, what do you do all day?” and I’ve felt the pressure of needing to do something productive and take advantage of all this free time by expanding my brain, writing a best selling novel, or curing cancer. And, admittedly, I felt a rush of energy and inspiration during the first week or two of being inside, to do an array of tasks that I would never do otherwise: Participate in online workouts, with the goal being to obtain a ‘summer body’ that I may not get to show off anyway, given that the world is currently on fire; read a vast array of books; take a free online class, just to say I took a Humanities course through Harvard; and a number of other things that you could consider ‘productive.’ I outlined a daily schedule, breaking it down by the hour, of what I would do.

Guess how many of those things I’ve actually done? Zero.

After about week two, I began to transition over into ‘survival mode’: Just try to make it through the day, and the next day, and then the next week. I go to the grocery about once a week now, to feel a sense of normalcy, and like I at least still have control over one aspect of my daily routine that I used to enjoy. I do a lot of just vegging out; watching some new tv shows/movies, and a lot of old ones, because the familiarty of certain characters and plotlines is comforting; I bake more than I used to, and I did start writing a memoir of sorts, a collection of my stories and memories from my time here that I haven’t been able to put into this blog; I’ve been re-reading the Harry Potter series, as it’s been years since I did that; and I gather online resources, games, and worksheets, to send to my students so I can continue to receieve my monthly stipend.

For the past week, however, I’ve been participating in a 21 Day Meditation Challenge. Every day, after I’ve had my breakfast and coffee, I do the “Task of the Day”, meditate, and then yoga. I’ve begun genuinely looking forward to this part of my day every morning. It not only gives me something to commit to, but it also makes me feel like I’ve done at least one productive thing in a day. It allows me the time to breathe, stretch, and reflect on my life and relationships.

I think from the beginning of this quarantine there’s been a pressure, both from social media and ourselves, to do something ‘useful’ in this time; and then, when we ‘waste’ a day, we beat ourselves up for it. A month into this quarantine, and I finally feel like I’ve created some sort of balance in my life, between doing things that are healthy and good for me, both mentally and physically, and being ok with spending an entire day in bed with snacks and wine. I’m not changing the world, or making some vast improvement on myself, and that’s fine because we’re in the middle of a pandemic, and I’m 4000 miles away from my family and friends, with no idea when I’ll be able to return. Staying alive, AND making small daily choices that improve my mental and physical health? That sounds more reasonable.

Before I leave Madrid to go back to New Hampshire for the summer, I have to submit the paperwork to renew my visa, and get a regreso, which will allow me to re-enter the country within 90 days of leaving. I don’t need an appointment to renew my visa, but I do need an appointment to get the regreso; there is also some paperwork that I need to get from the Communidad de Madrid before I can begin the process of renewing. As you might expect, everything is shut down, and there are no available regreso appointments until August. I’m hopeful that once this current State of Alarm is over, by May 10th, that government offices will open with available appointments in late June. Until I secure an appointment, I can’t leave the country.

I haven’t begun to panic just yet, as I do see things beginning to improve here. While the number of infections have increased, thanks to more rigorous testing, the number of deaths have lowered. It seems that the government will also begin ‘deescalation measures’ starting on May 10th, although I don’t yet know what those measures will look like. All of these factors give me reason to still stay positive and hopeful that I will be going home in July.

Stay inside, stay healthy, and do what you need to do to make these strange and unsettling circumstances a bit more bearable.