It’s hard to believe that just a couple of weeks ago I was writing about my time in Morocco and planning for my next adventure. Two weeks ago, I was still seeing my friends, going to new restaurants and bars, and of course, still going to school. Yesterday, was the first time I’d been outside my apartment in seven days, and it was only to take out three bags of garbage, before hurrying back inside and throwing everything into the laundry.

On Monday, March 9th, it was announced that all the schools in Madrid would be closed for two weeks, although there was some confusion as to whether teachers and auxiliares would still have to come in to work. But, on that following Wednesday, it was made official: All teachers at my school would be allowed to work from home. So far, my duties have been little to nonexistent, which I hope will change in the coming weeks, because I am bored out of my mind. Fortunately, I am still being compensated during this quarantine period.

Mere days after schools were shut down, so were restaurants, bars, parks, libraries, etc. Groceries were wiped bare, and yes, there was panic buying toilet paper. The question of whether or not auxiliares should return to the States has been on everyone’s mind, and many have decided to go home, thus ending their time in Spain, and forfeiting their ability to renew for a second year. The program through which I came here, CIEE, announced that they were suspending their program support, and those who chose to stay in Madrid were now under the care of the Comunidad de Madrid. The past two weeks have been confusing and frustating, with information changing daily, and multiple different sources telling us different things. Between Spain’s government telling me to stay put, and the U.S. government telling me to come home, it was difficult to determine who to listen to.

However, once I realized that I would still be paid, and that by leaving Madrid I would not be eligible to renew as a Language Assistant for a second year, it was a relatively easy decision for me to stay put. I believe that I am just as safe here as I would be in the U.S. (if not more so, given the extremes that this government is going to, and the access to testing that is not limited to celebrities), I am still able to pay my rent, I have insurance that covers testing/hospitalization, I will be able to stay and work here for a second year, and I am not endangering myself/my parents/everyone, by flying home.

That isn’t to say that staying here hasn’t been difficult; it’s a natural reaction to want the ones you love close to you, because you think that you’ll be able to help in some way, or that they’ll somehow be safer if you’re there. I go from panic, to anxiety, to paralyzing fear, to crying, to relative calm, all within the same day. It doesn’t help that I have asthma, which can be induced by colds, allergies, and anxiety. I finally called the hotline number, after a few days of inconsistent chest tightness/difficulty breathing, to see if I needed to be tested for the virus. I was told that because I wasn’t coughing or had a fever, they couldn’t test me, and that I was probably fine anyway. It’s been a week, and my cold/allergy symptoms have stayed relatively the same. All I can do is continue to not leave my apartment, and stay as calm as possible–Instagram has helped with that, Facebook, not so much; what did any of us talk about before Coronavirus?

The only businesses that are now open are groceries and pharmacies. Only one person in a household can leave at a time. Police are patrolling the streets, enforcing these rules through arrests and heavy fines. Some people may not like this sort of ‘government interference’, or deem these actions unnecessarily extreme. I, on the other hand, am grateful for these restrictions, and wish that this virus had been taken more seriously, sooner. As of yesterday, there have been 1,350 deaths in the country, with 25,000 infections. The government just purchased 640,000 testing kits, which are supposed to arrive in the coming days. The airports are also expected to close, hence the panic some Americans have been feeling as to whether they should return home or not. This quarantine was supposed to only last 15 days, however, it will more than likely last much longer than that.

In between the moments of panic, I’ve been reading a lot more, watching happy shows (no dramas/suspense/true crime any time soon), cleaning and organizing, video chatting with friends and family, and trying to enjoy this moment of pause as best I can. And, in the midst of what feels like a crazy and scary time, I’m reminded that there is still a lot of good things, and I’m surrounded by a beautiful community: A community that, every evening at 8:00, stands outside their balconies and claps and cheers for our medical staff, who are working tirelessly and risking their own lives to keep the rest of us healthy and safe. I’m even more excited to be able to go home in July, and hug my parents, but in the meantime, I’m still thankful to call Madrid my home.